The Greater Darkness

Chapter 15

I thought that over time maybe I'd get used this. I never expected things to get worse. Nightmares every week and they're more real each night. It's like everyone that looks at me can see my guilt.

Geoffry self-consciously looked around, but even if anyone had been nearby, the odds of them noticing him, positioned as he was in the shadows, were pretty remote. It was all he could to to stop himself from compulsively scanning his surroundings.

The sudden appearance of heavy clouds, early the day before, had caused the temperature to drop significantly, and Geoffry pulled his trench coat tighter around him as he examined the course of events that had led him back to Melody's building.

Venice said that I had to keep my reason for performing the hit in front of me. That only dwelling on the reason I killed that poor girl would be enough to keep me sane. I feel like I'm holding on with the weakest of grips, maybe seeing Melody again will be enough to keep the shards of my sanity intact until the nightmares go away.

His decision finally made, Geoffry stood and headed towards Melody's building. A short time later, he was once again crouched outside her window.

Questing fingers quickly found and removed the letter that Geoffry had half-hoped to find. After securing the note in a pocket, the vampire's eyes turned to the pale, blanket-covered form just visible in the darkness. My night vision seems to have gotten better since I've spent less time outside in the sun, but I still can't quite see the details.

Tearing his eyes away from Melody, Geoffry looked past an unusually familiar-looking backpack, to her diary sitting closed on the desk. What if her letter doesn't tell me how she is really doing? Do I dare try to enter her thoughts again? I'm stronger than I was before, so maybe I could do so safely, but I haven't been invited inside her thoughts, so it would just be another form of voyeurism.

The vampire closed his eyes for a second, fighting the temptation to let his thoughts slip out and touch Melody's mind, and then shook himself and climbed back up the fire escape.

The relative earliness of the hour meant there was still a large number of establishments open, and it didn't take Geoffry very long to find a bar that was well-lit enough for him to read the letter Melody had left.

Dear Geoffry,

You don't know how much it means to me to know your name. I find it's the small, even insignificant things that give me the strength to go on. You call yourself a demon, and I don't dispute that you may have done terrible things in the past, or that you may even now be involved in such things, but anyone that would intercede on my behalf as you have without looking for some form of payment has elements of good in them.

Knowing you're there, that you cared enough to come back and help cushion me from the cruelties of those girls means more than you will ever know. Even if you are never able to help in any way again, I think that should count for something.

It really is the little things in life that set us apart from those around us. For Anna, it is the fact that she comes and checks on mom far more often than she is paid to, and sometimes brings a little surprise like the backpack she brought last week. For you, it's simply that you exist, that maybe once again in a time of great need you'll be there to help protect me.

Melody

Despite still waking up nightly with nightmares from killing the girl, Geoffry had started to think of himself as the soulless, hardened killer Venice and Imastious insisted he used to be. It surprised him when he once again found himself fighting back tears over something so trivial.

She doesn't know. Despite my efforts to tell her, she doesn't know what I really am, but she knows I'm bad, and she cares for me regardless. If only I was really worthy of her.

Geoffry was down on the subway platform again. A cold wind seemed to pull at him as he watched his target. It was all chillingly familiar, but this time he didn't have to touch the girl's thoughts to get her to the edge. She was already standing there, her back to him, patiently waiting for the train.

Something seemed to nag at Geoffry, telling him it was impossible to kill the same girl again, but as had happened so many nights before, the vivid reality of his dream drowned out thoughts that it all might not be real.

Geoffry was shaking again as he tried to steel himself against what he was about to do. Children filled the area between him and the girl, but somehow they melted away, giving him a clear path to his mark. It was as if they were offering her up to satiate his blood lust.

Geoffry could hear the train now, charging through the darkness towards the platform, as he strode over the rough, filthy concrete that separated him from the girl. As the vampire reached his target, the rush of air pushed out of the tunnel blew her short brown hair about. Once again, Geoffry reached up to the stylish black backpack before him, and gave it a sharp tug.

The poor girl stumbled over the edge a split second before the train arrived. She turned slightly as she fell, revealing her face for a split second before the train hid her with a squeal of breaks and a cascade of sparks.

Geoffry awoke panting and drenched in a cold sweat. It was Melody this time. Out of all the times I've had those nightmares, this is the first time it's been her, instead of the girl I actually killed. What happened to change the dream, why her this time?

The vampire wanted nothing more than to wall the dream away in a portion of his subconscious where he wouldn't ever have to think about it again, but instead he forced himself to examine it, noting each difference from previous dreams in an effort to understand why his nightmares had become even more disturbing.

There, I should have realized that it was a different person there. The hair is different, the girl I killed had long hair. The clothes might be a little different, she might be built a little differently too, I can't really tell. Why was I so sure that it was still the same girl when I had those clues that should have told me it wasn't?

Geoffry replayed the approach in his mind again and again until he suddenly realized what had remained the same. It's the backpack. That's the back pack that I pulled on to send that innocent girl to her death, but it's also the backpack I glimpsed through the darkness, the one that Anna gave Melody, the one that she took as a sign that someone cared about her.

Geoffry had hoped that the passage of a few additional days would lesson some of the vividness of the dreams, or that at least he'd stop seeing Melody's face when he pushed the girl off of the platform. Instead he was now sometimes having them more than once in a given night.

The vampire had stumbled his way through weapons practice twice already this week, and each time he'd been slower and less skilled. Venice had scored more touches on him during the last session than she had the first time they'd sparred.

Finally disgusted, and apparently sure that Geoffry wasn't even trying, Venice had ended the practice session and sent him home.

Geoffry was half an hour late already tonight for the last session of the week, but between the hunger and sheer exhaustion he couldn't seem to muster enough energy to care. I can't keep going on like this. Maybe if I anger Imastious enough he'll just kill me outright instead of hunting Melody and her mother down.

Time seemed to skip forward as it often did when the hunger started to take a life of it's own, and somewhere Geoffry lost an hour or so dreamily contemplating the death he'd receive when Imastious finally found out that he wasn't training anymore.

He'll break the door down again, and then swoop in here and break my neck with his bare hands.

A persistent knocking at Geoffry's door finally penetrated the hunger haze, and he found himself wondering why Imastious had decided to knock instead of just killing him.

“Geoffry, I know you are in there, please come open the door.”

Venice's voice was full of the usual self confidence and exasperation that Geoffry had come to associate with the gorgeous vampire, but there was something else there as well that he couldn't quite place.

“Please, Geoffry. We have to talk. I'll come in like I usually do if you won't open the door.”

Unsure why he was doing so, Geoffry tried to rise, only to find himself too weak to get out of bed.

His vision had started to become blurry due to the hunger, but Geoffry was just able to see the locks as they turned one by one, seemingly of their own accord.

“By the blood, you look terrible.”

Geoffry tried to tell Venice he was fine, but his thoughts never made it down to his mouth, instead wandering off to wonder if what he'd heard was genuine concern.

Venice pulled off her black leather jacket as she crossed the room, but Geoffry's vision began to fade out again, barely allowing him to see that she was wearing a white tube top, and leather pants that matched her jacket.

“How long has it been since you fed?” demanded Venice as she knelt on the bed next to Geoffry.

Apparently alarmed by Geoffry's inability to communicate, the beautiful vampire used her fingernails to open up a vein in her arm and pressed the wound against his mouth.

The hot flow of sustenance awakened the hunger tenfold inside of Geoffry, and he found himself sucking greedily as rational thought began to return, only to then be swept away by a pale shadow of the sense of connection that seemed to be such a part of feeding.

For a few moments, nothing existed save the few, incomplete thoughts that trickled through the connection, and Geoffry's need for more blood. Venice suddenly tore her arm away from his grasp, stanching the flow of blood as best she was able while trying to fight Geoffry off when the hunger demanded more than she was willing or able to give.

“It's me Geoffry. Stop or I'll be forced to hurt you.”

The words, repeated again and again, finally penetrated the hunger and Geoffry opened his eyes to find Venice trapped under him, a dagger held to his throat.

The imminent threat of violence was somehow made worse when viewed against even the weak bond the pair had just shared. Realizing what he had almost forced Venice to do, Geoffry recoiled, and tried to flee into the bathroom, only to stumble and crash weakly onto the ancient hardwood floor a few feet from Venice.

When the vampire regained consciousness, he found himself cradled in Venice's arms as hot tears splashed onto his neck.

“Why are you doing this to yourself? I lied for your last night to Imastious, I'm doing what I can to protect you, but you don't care. All you seem to want is death, and there's only so much I can do to keep you from finding it.”

Geoffry felt a wave of guilt and sadness flow through him, as Venice's worry caused tears to flow down his face as well.

For a time, nothing else was said, and Geoffry felt nearly the closeness that he'd experienced while feeding.

“I see her when I dream, every night.” It was hard, but Geoffry forced the words out past the sobs. “At first it was the girl I killed, but now it is the one that I dreamed about before this all happened.”

Even now, being held by Venice, Geoffry didn't quite trust her not to convey some or all of what he said to Imastious. The lack of trust tore at him almost like a physical wound, but he just couldn't quite believe her tears were completely real, despite the fact that holding the information back somehow felt like a betrayal.

Venice made shushing sounds and held him, rocking back and forth for what seemed like hours. “She must have been the reason that you finally went through with the hit.”

Geoffry nodded, not trusting his voice.

“And now the very reason you killed the girl is the thing that's eating at you.”

Venice had spent hours holding Geoffry before gently telling him she had tasks from Imastious that had to be taken care of before sunrise. Geoffry had reluctantly promised to feed as soon as it got dark again, and then watched as the other vampire had flirtatiously blown him a kiss before leaving the apartment.

Despite feeling more physically and emotionally drained than at any other time he could remember, sleep had proven elusive for Geoffry. Too much risk I'd still have the nightmares. I just don't know if I could handle another day of that.

Geoffry had dropped into a light sleep a few times, only to start awake before he could begin dreaming. When night finally came, the vampire slipped out into the darkness.

Venice was right, Melody is the reason I killed that girl, but now the thought that it could have been her I killed instead is slowly eating away at me. I'll feed just like I promised Venice I would, but first I need to visit Melody.

The clouds from earlier in the week were finally fulfilling on the rain that they had been promising for days, alternating between a constant drizzle and very nearly torrential downpours. It's all really quite miserable, especially now that it's cooled off so much, but on the other hand, this is the cleanest the city will be for weeks. Maybe a little misery is always necessary to wash away the filth.

After slogging through what seemed like hundreds of foot-deep puddles, Geoffry finally reached Melody's building. Making his way down the fire escape from the top of the building was more difficult than normal, but at least he didn't have to worry about anyone seeing him through the gloom.

Settling down in his usual place against the window, Geoffry carefully let his thoughts reach into the room before him, lightly brushing the surface of Melody's mind.

She's dreaming, dreaming of pleasant things and places. Her mom must be having a good day. Geoffry was momentarily overcome by a wave of regret and sadness. What right do I have to come here and ruin her innocence? Once again I'm pursuing the course that protects me regardless of the cost to others.

Wiping away the traces of something that could have almost been tears, Geoffry strengthened the contact enough for him to begin to affect Melody's dreams. Within moments, he was able to pipe his thoughts directly into her mind. She doesn't have the ability to focus her thoughts enough to respond to me, but I think that she'll be able to remember what I tell her when she wakes up.

Melody, it's Geoffry. I know I shouldn't be here, but I felt like I had to tell you the truth. You think that I'm good, that whatever I've done is outweighed by the good I've tried to do, but it isn't true. I've killed people. Some of them were murderers themselves, sometimes it was in defense of myself or others. I guess I don't feel as bad about those times as maybe I should, but I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that they had done terrible things.

Geoffry felt regret and sadness try to well up out of his center, but he was just too exhausted for the feelings to gain a real foothold. Others were innocent. A little while ago I killed a girl about your age. I didn't want to, her only sin was being born to parents who were involved with the wrong people, but if I didn't, there was a chance that you and your mom would have been killed to punish me. I wasn't ever going to tell you about that, but the backpack Anna gave you is just like the one that she was wearing when I killed her.

The tears were back now despite the exhaustion, tearing at the remnants of Geoffry's soul, and he almost couldn't go on. I've been having nightmares where your face replaces hers. I'm beyond redemption, but I wanted you to know. I've never lied to you, but I didn't want to conceal something like this from you. You need to know what I'm really like before you try to turn me into one of your heroes.

The vampire carefully disengaged his probes and headed back into the rain, having been very careful to ensure that none of Melody's emotions or thoughts had been able to flow back up the link to him.

Chapter 16